i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
