i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
