it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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