Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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