Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
