I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
