I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
