your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
