i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
