The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
