Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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