I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
