I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
