i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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