Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
