Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I died a long time ago.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
