I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
