I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
