Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
