Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's shark week go big or go home
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
