Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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