You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my poor anus
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
