Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
