Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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