Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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