i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
