out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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