So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
