Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just high enough for therapy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i believe in u and ur pee
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
