party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
