she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
