I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
