I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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