you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
