Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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