i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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