Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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