So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
