hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
