turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
