why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
