so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
