Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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