what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
