worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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