Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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