I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
