Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
