I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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