i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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