I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
