Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
