Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
