I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
