I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
