angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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