Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
