Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
