I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
