ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yo dont text me then not text me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
