She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
