The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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