I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
