What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
