thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
