it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
