now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
