omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
