I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
