Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
