ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
